Giving up Instagram for Lent, and why I'm giving up giving up...

Just over a week ago I decided to have a break from Instagram and as it coincided with pancake day I figured I might as well say I was doing it for Lent.  This wasn't for a specific reason, I just wanted to see if I could do it and I'd read a couple of articles about screen time being bad for you and taking away from being 'present' in life.

I've been using Instagram for a few years now, mainly sharing my crochet makes, and I really enjoy being a part of the crochet community, looking at what everyone is making, sharing ideas, taking inspiration from the many wonderful designers and makers.  I also love posting stories (as in the video stories) of my day to day life with the kids, the realities of my motherhood, some crochet bits and my home goings on.  I've been surprised by how many people take the time to message me or respond to things I've written or talked about and I really value the interactions I have.  It's a big part of my life so I knew I'd miss it.

Now, I know I've only been off Instagram for a short time but whilst I've been away I've noticed a few things:

The house is tidier and I've done lots of sorting out.  My pile for charity is toppling over and my downstairs toilet looks like a shed (again).

There are loads of blogs out there that I had no idea existed.

I get more crochet done in the evenings if I'm not looking at my phone.

I don't take as many photos, or look for the pretty things day to day.

I'm lonelier. 

Now don't get me wrong.  I see Mr Hopo in the evenings and we chat about what's gone on in the day and I'm looking after the kids and we are constantly chatting about toys and Peppa Pig (bloody Peppa Pig) or the school gossip (Eugenia* says that mummys wear nappies and they bleed and that daddy's give mummys a seed to eat to have a baby, is it true?).  But other than a brief chat to other mummys at the school gates or if my sister comes over I don't see other adults.    So I don't have anyone to tell when funny things happen, or when my days been going so infuriatingly that I'm hiding in the fridge eating a family sized bar of chocolate. 

The moment prior to eating ALL the chocolate I can find...

But I can tell Instagram.  And I know that I'm not on my own because there are lots of lovely people who let me know that they're going through it too. 

I appreciate I might sound like a complete sad sack, after all why don't I just go out and meet real people?  Well, the truth is I find it hard to just get out and about.  I do 3 school runs a day because of nursery and school so have to be near to home otherwise I get really anxious about being late.  Having people round can be stressful when the house gets really noisy (I'm quite (very) noise sensitive).  Going to other peoples houses causes the same issue plus I have to take food etc for Melie who is allergic to dairy and eggs.  In short, trips out or meeting up with people tends to cause me more anxiety than enjoyment so I don't really do it.  I'm a firm believe in knowing you're limits and quite honestly, if I do too much then I end up a gibbering wreck.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that in my time away from Instagram I've realised that for me it's a support network, a group of friends (most of whom I'll probably never meet), an outlet, a place where I can be me.  And giving it up isn't making me happier.  I don't give the kids any less time by being on it, but the house is a but more 'lived in'.  And if by sharing my day to day guff I feel a bit less lonely I figure it can't be such a bad thing. 

That said I'll probably still keep my phone in the kitchen in the evenings and I might not post as much as I was, but I'm no longer giving it up for Lent.  That might make me a failure, but it seems to me that motherhood, parenthood in general, can be a pretty lonely place and if a group of virtual friends makes it a bit easier then it's not worth giving up.

* name has been changed to protect the identity of the bloody child who keeps telling Sophie stuff that means I get asked ridiculously awkward questions. 

PS I'm still allowed an Easter egg right???

PPS, the photos don't at all reflect this blog post, they're just there cos they're pretty.  Except for the photo of me, that a representation of me going loopy loo.  It's pretty frequent round here...