Taking care of me

Isn’t it funny how sometimes when things go a bit wrong it can feel like the end of the world and then at other times it seems like no big deal?  This weekend I had lots of things happen that at other times would have resulted in a mini breakdown and a spike in anxiety but I was able to just shrug them off and realise it was fine.  To be honest, I laughed about most of it – checking Melie’s nappy and putting my finger straight in it?!  No worries, its only poo right?!  The girls literally scrapping over a plastic bag and who got to put what in it…(The fact that Sophie wanted to fill it with wool made me feel proud – growing up just like me!)  I just got them each their own bag to fill.  Going out to a BBQ (sometimes this kind of things just makes me want to hide in the house), it was fine.  Even though I smashed a glass and Melie stood on a shard (just so you know she is absolutely fine).

I’m putting it down to a couple of things, the lack of hard time frames and the use of Vitamin B6.  

I love it when we don’t have to rush to be anywhere at a certain time.  I’m normally a shouty mess by the time we actually get out of the house on the school run – “get your shoes, get your shoes, get your shoes!  Melie stop licking the croc and put it on!!” and we invariably get to school pretty hot and bothered.   I am really looking forward to not having to worry about all that over the summer holidays.

This weekend, apart from gymnastics, we didn’t have to go anywhere for a certain time.  We did things when we wanted and how we wanted.  I was able to do some of things in the house that I ordinarily don’t have time to like cleaning out the boiler cupboard.  I find it so overwhelming when everything is overflowing and it was so satisfying to see the floor of the cupboard instead of a sea of nappies, toilet rolls and towels.  Just got to keep it that way now.

The girls had hoped to go swimming on Sunday morning but we decided that we would just chill out for the day and it was definitely worth it.  They got on with playing with water, the swimming arm bands that I got out of the boiler cupboard, having water fights in the garden and lots of colouring.  We all sat around the table with a giant sheet of paper and just drew and coloured in together for about hour.  When you’ve got nowhere to be you can just enjoy being.  I guess it’s what is called self-care.

The other thing I’ve been doing is taking Vitamin B6.  It’s meant to help with hormonal imbalance and the fatigue and emotional mess that they cause.  I actually got prescribed them after I had Sophie years ago because I went through a phase where I found everything Mr Hopo did extremely irritating.  I can remember looking at him one night and thinking “why can’t you just stop breathing?” – not in a why won’t you die kind of way, just a your breathing is so noisy that I want to rip my ears off way.  They worked a treat then and I only took it for a couple of months.

Since having Melie I’ve suffered a lot with anxiety.  I worry about being late, going places I don’t know, running out of nappies, the car breaking down, whether or not Melie will sleep, the list goes on and on.  Sometimes, I just want to hide and not talk to people and I have refused to go to things, once to my in laws for lunch and luckily Mr Hopo didn’t push me, he just said ok, stay home get some of the stuff done you want to and well see you later on.  I did washing and the ironing and tidying.  Nothing exciting, but it meant I had a few hours to get myself together.

Melie wasn’t an easy baby.  She came out screaming and pretty much didn’t stop until she was a year and a half.  First it was tongue tie, then it was acid and teeth and wind and finally a diagnosis of an egg allergy, a dairy intolerance and reflux.  The doctors all said it was me who wasn’t getting her to self soothe and that I should just leave her to cry.  (How anyone could leave a baby to scream in pain is beyond me, but they didn’t seem to realise that’s what they were asking me to do.)  I had to take Mr Hopo with me to the doctor after about 5 times of them telling me the problem lay with me.   Melie honestly cried all the time and if someone tried to help she would scream all the more and it physically hurt me.  Which meant that I didn’t want help from anyone except Mr Hopo and sometimes not even him.   Anyway,  I eventually went to the doctor about how I was feeling last year and they gave me some happy pills and said I should probably try the well-being service.  I haven’t tried it yet but I might now, I feel a bit more like I could do it.  I decided to try the B6 again and I am finding its helping.  I feel like I’m a bit softer round the edges.  Not quite Mary Poppins but slightly easier going.

I don’t really know why I’m writing all this.  It’s got absolutely nothing to do with crochet or yarn and it isn’t at all the side of me that most people see.  Maybe I just needed a chance to get it out.  To say that the anxiety doesn’t own me anymore.  Maybe I own it…or maybe not.  I don’t know.

I’m not even sure if there was a point to this rambling.  I think I was trying to say that everyone should take some time for self-care, to take some time out from the rushing around and to just do nothing.  To take care of you.

Rainbow log cabin blanket

Just look at this blanket! I'm so in love with it!

I had the idea months and months ago but needed to finish a couple of other things first so for a while I just had a drawing of what I wanted it to finally look like and the yarn. 

Now I haven't written a pattern for this because truth be told it doesn't really need one.  I didn't come up with the technique and all I've really done is colour placement and putting it into a log cabin style so I'm going to share with you how I decided on colour placement, where you can find tutorials to do the same joining technique and the yarns/hooks.

I started by drawing a log cabin template and then filled in the colours gradually moving through the colours of the rainbow.  Below is a drawing of my colour placement.  I have a red and black notebook which has graph paper on every other page which makes it super easy to draw designs and take notes. 

I used the join as you go method to make this blanket.  Twilight taggers has a video tutorial for this which you can find here  it might take you a couple of go's to get used to this method but I find it so much easier than having squillions of balls attached and all the ends that you get when you literally work from one corner to the other on a graphgan (I take my hat off to makers that do this because it is hard work!)

The blanket is 12 squares made individually.  I started with a 4 cluster square and then built on this rotating round with each new colour following my picture pattern. 

Once I'd made a couple of 9 price squares that were next to each other I sewed them together rather than crocheting join as you go.  This was mainly because I didn't want to be trying to handle a large blanket and turning it as I knew it was going to end up pretty large.  I tried to colour match the sewing up yarn wherever possible.

For the border I did a rotating rainbow in linen stitch.  By rotating rainbow I mean that I started in yellow on the edge which was orange then went to orange for another section, then red, then purple and so on. When I got back to the start I used red where I'd previously used orange and then swapped to purple when I reached the red section etc etc.  It means that as you go around the blanket each side is different and the order or colours is different.

I used a 6mm hook for the main blanket and the border. My tension is tight and I didn't want a cardboard like texture!  I once made a cardigan for a friends baby boy and the poor love couldn't bend his arms it was so stiff!

The yarns I used were a mixture of stylecraft special dk and bonus hayfield. They are all around £2 a ball  which is excellent value and I used 2 balls of each for the whole blanket.  I've got a little leftover.

Stylecraft yarns were jaffa, sunshine, grass green, tomato.

Bonus Hayfield were purple, azure and denim.

These colours worked really well to create a bold and bright blanket. 

Once I'd finished the border I sewed in all the ends (I never sew as I go because I prefer a giant sewing up session at the end.) I can't be doing with taking scissors out and putting them away again over and over again and if Melie got hold of my scissors she'd probably either attempt to cut her own hair or my sofa!

I love the bright colours in this blanket and I'm really pleased with the final finish.  The girls love it and I can see it being a firm favourite for years to come!

If you have a go at making a blanket like this then please let me know and tag me on Instagram as I'd love to see!  I'm planning to make a larger log cabin style square with my sample square, baby blanket size this time though!

Giving up Instagram for Lent, and why I'm giving up giving up...

Just over a week ago I decided to have a break from Instagram and as it coincided with pancake day I figured I might as well say I was doing it for Lent.  This wasn't for a specific reason, I just wanted to see if I could do it and I'd read a couple of articles about screen time being bad for you and taking away from being 'present' in life.

I've been using Instagram for a few years now, mainly sharing my crochet makes, and I really enjoy being a part of the crochet community, looking at what everyone is making, sharing ideas, taking inspiration from the many wonderful designers and makers.  I also love posting stories (as in the video stories) of my day to day life with the kids, the realities of my motherhood, some crochet bits and my home goings on.  I've been surprised by how many people take the time to message me or respond to things I've written or talked about and I really value the interactions I have.  It's a big part of my life so I knew I'd miss it.

Now, I know I've only been off Instagram for a short time but whilst I've been away I've noticed a few things:

The house is tidier and I've done lots of sorting out.  My pile for charity is toppling over and my downstairs toilet looks like a shed (again).

There are loads of blogs out there that I had no idea existed.

I get more crochet done in the evenings if I'm not looking at my phone.

I don't take as many photos, or look for the pretty things day to day.

I'm lonelier. 

Now don't get me wrong.  I see Mr Hopo in the evenings and we chat about what's gone on in the day and I'm looking after the kids and we are constantly chatting about toys and Peppa Pig (bloody Peppa Pig) or the school gossip (Eugenia* says that mummys wear nappies and they bleed and that daddy's give mummys a seed to eat to have a baby, is it true?).  But other than a brief chat to other mummys at the school gates or if my sister comes over I don't see other adults.    So I don't have anyone to tell when funny things happen, or when my days been going so infuriatingly that I'm hiding in the fridge eating a family sized bar of chocolate. 

The moment prior to eating ALL the chocolate I can find...

But I can tell Instagram.  And I know that I'm not on my own because there are lots of lovely people who let me know that they're going through it too. 

I appreciate I might sound like a complete sad sack, after all why don't I just go out and meet real people?  Well, the truth is I find it hard to just get out and about.  I do 3 school runs a day because of nursery and school so have to be near to home otherwise I get really anxious about being late.  Having people round can be stressful when the house gets really noisy (I'm quite (very) noise sensitive).  Going to other peoples houses causes the same issue plus I have to take food etc for Melie who is allergic to dairy and eggs.  In short, trips out or meeting up with people tends to cause me more anxiety than enjoyment so I don't really do it.  I'm a firm believe in knowing you're limits and quite honestly, if I do too much then I end up a gibbering wreck.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that in my time away from Instagram I've realised that for me it's a support network, a group of friends (most of whom I'll probably never meet), an outlet, a place where I can be me.  And giving it up isn't making me happier.  I don't give the kids any less time by being on it, but the house is a but more 'lived in'.  And if by sharing my day to day guff I feel a bit less lonely I figure it can't be such a bad thing. 

That said I'll probably still keep my phone in the kitchen in the evenings and I might not post as much as I was, but I'm no longer giving it up for Lent.  That might make me a failure, but it seems to me that motherhood, parenthood in general, can be a pretty lonely place and if a group of virtual friends makes it a bit easier then it's not worth giving up.

* name has been changed to protect the identity of the bloody child who keeps telling Sophie stuff that means I get asked ridiculously awkward questions. 

PS I'm still allowed an Easter egg right???

PPS, the photos don't at all reflect this blog post, they're just there cos they're pretty.  Except for the photo of me, that a representation of me going loopy loo.  It's pretty frequent round here...

Spring, spring, spring

When I was younger one of my absolute favourite films was Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.  It's got a song on it called Spring, spring, spring which unsurprisingly it's about the coming of spring, and it's very catchy.  (I used to fast forward between the songs and play them at full pelt, but once chose to do this at 6am on a sunday so was then banned from leaving my room until my parents were up.) 

Anyway, I have been humming that song all day because today it truly feels like spring.  The sun has been shining, and it's not just fake sun, it's actually quite warm. We've played in the garden for hours, walked / cycled to the playpark to play some more, spotted snowdrops and crocuses and baked a cake.  I also got to see the most amazing sunrise this morning but typically didn't have my phone to take a photo.  The sky looked like it was ablaze and it was stunning.

Yesterday I went to watch Paddington 2 at the cinema with Sophie and I highly recommend it.  So many good bits and if you're anything like me you'll smuggle in your crochet for some undisturbed hooky time.  I literally crammed my bag full of yarn and did worry a bit that they might ask to look in it but thankfully nobody did.  I'm not sure what I would have said if they had!

I made some granny squares because I don't have to look at what I'm doing and I'm working on some colourful anything goes ones so it didn't matter how they'd look.  I'm pretty pleased with them.  I had planned to make a picnic blanket but now I'm thinking about making  a project bag.  Decisions, decisions...

February Half Term

It's half term here so I've got the kiddiwinkles at home and we've been keeping busy with trips out and lots of activities.  Think baking, painting, play doh, dog walking and a museum trip thrown in for culture.  We went to Strangers Hall in Norwich which is a small Tudor house in the city centre.  It's not massive and took us about an hour and a half to get round which was long enough for us.  

Sophie found it fascinating and joined in with the activities on offer - folding a paper boot, helping prepare a Valentine's feast and chatting to staff.  Olivia, joined in with bits like the food prep and playing with some olden day toys but hated all the steep stairs and wanted to hold two hands everywhere (I was thanking my lucky stars that my sister was with us because I don't know how I'd have managed otherwise!)  Melie wanted to go up and down all the stairs over and over again, preferably without holding hands which was fun.  Or not. 

When we first arrived we were asked to take our bags off so we deposited them away but not before Melie managed to find a snack pot with Oreos in it.  I decided to hold her while she ate it as I was worried she would touch something with it.  She once scraped a pre-chewed Oreo over my bed and it looked suspiciously like poo, so I didn't want a repetition of that.  After mulching it around in her mouth til it was nice and goopy she decided she'd had enough and with no bin in sight I had to take one for the team and eat it myself.  I'm not going to lie, there are some bits of motherhood that are absolutely gross and this is one of them.  Not as gross as accidentally putting my finger in poo when I check her nappy though, that's on another level.

My best thing has been not having to do the morning school run.  No shouting "put your shoes on" over and over again or getting drenched because the bright blue sky that was there when I left the house has suddenly become dark grey rain clouds and I didn't put on a coat or bring the rain cover.  We've actually enjoyed walking the dog.  Bikes and scooters have come out, the girls have looked for painted rocks and today I saw my first snowdrop.  It made me happy.

Anyway, this week I have mainly been working on my Granny Rocks jumper (pattern by Iron Lamb).  I've had to frog it a couple of times as it was coming out very large so I think my once very tight tension may have loosened off somewhat.  I love the fact that the granny stitch is so rhythmic and requires so little thought.  Perfect for when you want to keep your hands busy but your mind calm.  It's coming along nicely now and I'm hoping to get it finished next week.

Today we had a go at making chocolate cupcakes. The girls loves it, especially licking the bowl clean but my baking leaves a lot to be desired and the result is possibly the saddest looking cakes I've ever seen.  

Hopefully a bucketload of butter cream will improve them!

I hope you've had a great week wherever you are!

O Christmas tree... a simple decoration.

Since Sophie was born, 7 and a bit years ago, we have made a Christmas decoration each year to send round to family and friends.  One year was a handprint, another salt dough stars and hearts that were painted and varnished and last year gel appeal shapes (well, blobs if I'm honest). 

 

I'm not sure what our rellies make of these random decs they receive but I'm hoping they realise we've put some time and effort into them rather than just thinking we're tight for not buying a proper gift.  After all who needs more socks right? (Actually, Mr Hopo does, his seem to have signed some kind of sock suicide pact and every time he puts a pair on another hole appears.)

Anyway, this year we've made Hama bead trees and stars but not in the traditional way.  Whilst both bigger girls can do a hama bead board it takes quite a while and so I decided to have a go at just pouring them into a cookie cutter shape to see if they would stick together. 

I got 2 metal cookie cutters and put them on grease proof paper.  For Livvy (3) I just let her pick whatever colours she wanted and she opted for a 'just chuck it in approach' whereas Sophie (7) took her time choosing the colours and laying them out inside the cutter.

We made sure that all the beads were touching, they can be standing or laying, before cooking at 180° for about 15 mins.  The beads don't melt completely flat and just widen out their holes a bit which once cooked means you can easily thread some cotton through to hang them.

Livvy's star had more beads in including some on top of others which means it's much more 3D than Sophie's but I think it's equally pretty. 

You need a bit of brute force to get these out once cooked but I found it easier to ease them out from the side that was next to the tray pushing bit by bit around the cutter.  Just watch you fingers on the cutter edge.

I used some cotton thread to make little loops to hang these with, probably about 20cm long so that I could tie a knot and then cut off the excess.

So, if you want to make some simple and cheap (I got a bag of Hama beads from my local toy shop for just £1.80) Christmas decs with the kids this is for you! I've just got to persuade the kids to part with them now as according to Sophie they are all so special she doesn't want to send them away...

If you make any I'd love to see so don't forget to tag me on instagram @hookonepurlone

101 uses for yarn ends (and other excuses I use)

I collect my yarn ends, even the scrappy ones, and keep them in a large glass jar.  It's the ultimate yarn barf, especially if the kids have been in it and Mr Hopo says I'm hoarding but I beg to differ and here's why:

1 - It's pretty.  Nuff said.
2 - I might need them. Erm, for colour matching.
3 - For stuffing toys with.  They deserve to be pretty inside and out.
4 -  Kids crafts, gluing, sticking, colour matching, general fiddling with and spreading around the house.  Yes, you'll spend the next week finding small threads everywhere BUT you did get to have a cup of tea and do a few rows of crochet so totally worth it.  Kind of.
5 - Art.  Kind of a continuation of kids activities except I think I probably enjoy this more.  Last time we did some yarn art they abandoned me to my task quite quickly but at least it started as something for them.  I did a yarn rainbow last and am thinking a portrait next.  I'd love to create something like the wonderful work of Marna Lunt.  It would probably be more akin to spaghetti thrown at a wall but I'll try anything once.
6 -   For making wall hangings.  We collected sticks and tied yarn and ribbons to them for colourful wall hangings that have pride of place in our kitchen.  (My whole house is covered in the kids art and it always make me smile)
7 - If you collect enough you could start insulating your house with them.  Although Mr Hopo says I've got enough yarn to do that anyway. 
8 - To use in embroidery.  I've never done that, but I definitely will. Definitely.
9 - You can use them as a prop in photo's.  I have lots of stuff that I have just as props for photo's, like baskets and sheets of paper.  (Mr Hopo doesn't feel those items are necessary either though)
10 - The growing pile of ends shows how much you've achieved and a reminder of all the beautiful things you've made. 
11 - Erm, ok so I don't think I'm going to get to 101.  Maybe more like 10.1. 

And my last reason is the most important one.  Because I WANT to.  And it's MY yarn. So there Mr Hopo.